Family?, I Fear You

by Kafu Mitsurin

I don't have the courage

To say this out loud to you

But I'm tired of this

This have to end someday

I don't blame you for my problems

But you are the ones to blame for all this

My anxiety, for example

Is result of your demands

My trust issues

Are result of your betrayal

My depression

Is result of my trauma with you

My suicidal tendencies

Yes, I have that too

Are a result of your bullying

My behavior towards you

Is a result of your behavior towards me

This has to end

I don't forgive you for all

At least not yet

Maybe in the future

But I'm not prepared for it yet

What are you gonna do?

Lock me in a room

And interrogate me

Worse than cops or military?

I'm an adult now

Just leave me the fuck alone

I would like to leave you

But you don't allow me

You obligate me

To tell you everything I do

And to have my location always visible

And when I don't want to

You fucking interrogate me

I stopped being your family member

When you told me

That I was just a replacement for your abortion

And when I was kicked off from home by you at age of 15

And when you bullied me since I was 8

I wanna Live and Leave

I wanna be free from your control

Leave me alone

You made me hate my life

And you made me hate you

But I still love you too

It's complicated

I hate you, but also love you

I hate you for all the bad things

But I love you for bringing me to life

And for being by my side

Even if you are bad with me

I'm afraid of you

I wanna leave you

And never see you again

But I'm also afraid of losing you

I wish I could understand my own feelings

But I also wish to be free from you